A thought 12/5/2012

Here is an observations I have had the past couple of weeks. During the week I am up from 445/5 am until 10/11 pm everyday. Currently I am exchanging some negative thought patterns with more positive and healthy thought patterns and I have come to several realizations. The first is I have to be more aware of what I am eating through out the day. I, for whatever reason, will forget to eat most of the day. I am not sure if I do it intentionally or if it just happens. This leads me to the the second which is that I have to become more aware of when I am eating. I realize that eating at 955 pm every night is not healthy. I also realize that not eating anything at all morning is also not very healthy. Which brings me to my last realization. I have to be fully aware what I am eat. Starches in the evening are my downfall. I know I do not have to give up all of my starchy, sugary, carbie, sweet and oh so yummy foods. I truly just have to find times when they are most beneficial to me within my day.

So what is my resolve.... what can I effectively do to be a better healthier eater for myself. First have water before I eat. This will help hydrate and fill me up. Second I will make a eating schedule. Better to be prepared then not eat at all. Third no yummy greatness via starch, sugary, carbie or sweet food 6 hours before bed time. For me that magic time is after 530pm during the week. That is so completely doable, who knew. Fourth I need to meal plan. This step also helps my expenses. By meal planning I can develop recipes around the three prior steps to ensure I adhere to them. One of the many issues I have had over the past couple of weeks is what to eat. I often grab something quick which turns out to be unfulfilling and full of everything I do not want to eat because of lack of time. Having my meals planned and and ready to go will afford me the opportunity to eat healthier while maintaining a lifestyle I choose to lead.

I also realize that I need constant reinforcement to truly change. I usually get that reinforcement through reading books and look at YouTube video on the subjects at hand.  For these changes I will be reading books from Bob Harper. I am also very impressed by his Instagram page, you should look it up if you haven't already.

Con Amor,

Love is...TL

A Thought 11/29/2012

One of my favorite poets from the late 1800's is Ella Wheeler Wilcox. There is something special about her voice special about what she chose to write about. Here is one of her best pieces about living your best life....

Attainment

Use all your hidden forces.

Do not miss the purpose of this life,
and do not wait for circumstance
to mold or change your fate.
In your own self lies destiny.

Let this vast truth cast out all fear,
all prejudice, all hesitation.
Know that you are great --
great with divinity.

Do dominate environment, and enter into bliss.
Live largely, and hate nothing.

Hold no aim that does not chord
with universal good.

Hear what the voices of the silence say.
All joys are yours if you put forth your claim.

Once you let the spiritual laws be understood,
material things must answer and obey. 

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

A thought 11/28/2012

My thoughts, at times, can be the jumbled up mess that takes many hours for me to sort through. It often leads me to the realm of laziness and procrastination. Today I was introduced to iMindMap. Can you say amazing.........THIS!!! I got the free but after using all of 5 minutes I am sold!!! COMPLETELY.

SO the thought for today... get help from the place that will help you most. Today that just happens to be from an APP.

Con Amor,
Love is...TL

A thought for 11/26/2012

My thought for today is that of HOLIDAY. What does holiday truly mean in its purest sense. My thoughts lead me down many roads when I think about the word Holiday and its meaning. Of course Holy day and time off of work also comes to mind. Though I think that the actual meaning of each day is lost somewhere between what must get done during a holiday and what I would like to see happen during a holiday.

I'm not a big Thanksgiving person... never have been. I'm not a big eater so I don't look forward to stuffing myself all day with tons of food. This year I was feel some kind of way about Thanksgiving. Usually I have an anti-Thanksgiving way of being due to the multitude of deaths the Native American people experienced on that day yet it is so how celebrated but not this year. I was lead down the road of making each day your own way of thinking. I have been fighting and bucking the system for so long, it seems that I've lost myself within it somehow. I have been consumed with the lack of compassion that my passion is often to fight what is. Knowing this I realized that I have the power within me to create my own understanding of a HOLIDAY. I could take that day and reflect on the evils of the world or I can take that day and create one that is conducive to my way of thinking/being at that time.

I started to think what could be accomplished on a day where I do not have to work, my child is out of school and most people are preoccupied with family. My daughter is now 14 years old and spending time with her is precious. I would love to be able to do something constructive with her every year that is not based around eating. Scrap booking and crafting came to mind. I am thinking that in years to come her and I will make cards, gifts and scrap book on Thanksgiving. Making thanksgiving more about giving thinks rather than receiving thanks. It would also be a great time to set goals, intentions and aspirations for the next year. And since we have to eat we could cook something together that is new and exciting each year.

I give thanks daily and hope my daughter see and will reflect that but if not one day out of the year would not be all that bad to reinforce what I believe to be true.


I realize that while what happened is wrong my personal fight against what had already occurred only made it that much worse for myself. I am more about the ABUNDANCE conversation then the LACK conversation. In keeping with that sort of spirit I say.......

Next up.... Christmas..... which I have not celebrated in over 20 years.

Day 324 of 2012

It is the first day of week 47th in 2012. I've been looking at what I wanted to and what I have accomplished in 2012. I actually have completed quite a bit this year. I have a lot to be proud of as well as grateful for. As I age I am noticing that time is just rolling by. Each moment seems to be getting shorter and shorter while expanding and contracting. 

We fill our time with things.... things to do, things to say, things to complete.... I wonder what we would do if we had nothing but time?! 

Today I am grateful the breath I breathe. I am grateful for the time I have. I am grateful for the time I give. I am grateful for the things that have meaning for me. I ask that I find balance within myself. And I embrace the cycle of giving and receiving. 

Another day!!! 

Con Amor,

Love is... TL

A thought 11/19/2012

Thinking about communing and relationships my mind races away from what was once seen as traditional and more towards what is heart felt. Compassion and passion have been heavy in my thought processes lately. Sunday, while putting air in my tire, an elderly man approached me. I had the queen with me so I was a bit tense. He looked scruffy and had a very intense yet displaced look in his eyes. He mumbled something at me and I of course said pardon me. He came closer while say I walked from GA to VA. "WALKED" I said.. he answered yep these are my third pair of shoes. He went on to say how far away is DC from here. I answered his question while looking him up and down. He added that he need to get his disability benefits as he was shot twice in the Vietnam war. My heart sunk! This is someone's father, grandfather who served our country and was even wounded in the mist of it all. The veteran had walked from GA to VA, which he said took him five *5* months to do, just to apply for some benefits that should have been his years ago. I was crying inside, truly torn up over this. I wanted to give him a ride to DC yet one it was Sunday everything was closed and two pride. I didn't want to deny him the pride of getting there himself. I gave him five dollars to get something to eat as he told me he walked eight miles in about three hours just that morning. I wished him well turned my back to him and climbed into my nicely heated car to drive away.

I did this workshop once where I had to turn my back to someone after they told me a horrible self story. I balled I mean screamed, hollered snot running down my face cried as I turned away from them. Just the thought of leaving someone in the lurch like that was extremely saddening to me. After the workshop I spent several days apologizing to that person as if I had done some grieve injustice to her. I was upset over it for about a week.

My thoughts in regards to this elderly gentleman who was walking to DC from GA soon went to "WHERE the H E double hockey sticks was his family?!" and "why is he just now trying to get his benefits?!" I was left wanting to help not just for the ordeal but also for the simple reason that the need for help was there. How can our society just leave its people so wanting? How can I be so insensitive to the needs of people of around me and justify that insensitivity by saying I don't know his story or that I cant really help him. Now, of course those that I told said i did more then they would have but that information made me feel even worse. Where is the compassion .... we all falter.... we all suffer .... we all struggle.... we all need support. I went to look for him but he was no where to be found.

A thought that runs through my mind daily is we humans are communal. That means we need to be around and with other humans just to live. It is through openness,  love, honesty, compassion and passion that we are able to best serve each other and support each other in this adventure we labeled life. Turning our backs, isolating ourselves or even selective association will never farther the cause of humanity. Just a thought.


Con Amor,

Love is... TL

A thought 11/16/2012

Additions have come up a lot in my conversations over the past week, new moon phase. Causing me to want to look at my own addictions.

I started to look at what it is I am addicted to. This is a hard conversation and a serious one to have through self talk. I realized I avoid addictions like the plague. I mean the point I start to like something too much I find a way to stop doing, being or wanting that thing.

This runs very deep into my soul perhaps even my spirit. I am starting to think that my addiction is running. I want to say running away from fear but I will leave it at its purest basic truth..... RUNNING.

Again just as I said before if I start to like something, I MEAN LIKE LIKE it I RUN from it. For example.... I've never had a drop of alcohol or any type of drug ... NONE period. In life when intimacy gets to good I get out of relationships. I'll avoid people, move even change my number. And (THIS IS ADULT) with sex I'll just stop it all together. Currently, I am enter year 4 of celibacy.  TMI, I know but it is the my truth. I'll even go as far as to make people not want to be around me by doing the very things I know they can not stand. Most of this is subconscious but it is still happening.

It is scary to think that I have been living in a world where my every action is predicated on that which I fear. Funny enough I've also had the fear of people running from me. I hate to say good byes, so much so I came up with a way to say chocolate as good bye.... "pieces like Reese".

Having said this I still am not going to run out to the vABC and buy it out. I will however look more closely at my choices and question why it is that I am choosing what it is that I choose.

I heard someone speak about being addicted to shopping, I mean truly addicted to purchasing things. Getting up at 4 am to get to an Outlet mall just so they can get to the next one before 11 am which would allow them to get to the last one before their children get out of school. No eating, no using the bathroom nothing but the task of spending money to purchase things they had no need of. I sat there thinking how do or when do I deprive myself of eating and bathroom usage. My honest answer is daily without true reason other then I am not making the choice to eat or get  up to go tot he bathroom in fear that I might miss something ..... NO JUST IN FEAR. Fear is a constant choice. I rather choose LOVE and I actually do my best to act out of love but I react because of fear. When I was younger I use to say I have no fear but fear itself. I see now that this is truer in my adult years. I fear no man yet I have feared my reaction towards them. Fear is a driving force and within my thoughts I am trying to find a way to steer myself by LOVE and LOVE alone.

Con Amor,

Love is...TL

A Thought

For years I have said I would wear African clothing as a uniform daily if I could.

I was over at the Natural Belle blog reading about her fashion steal of the day and I thought why haven't I made it my uniform yet.

The very first reason that came to my mind was I've allowed myself to get to big to fit into those sort of fashions. HA!!! What a load of steamy crap. African QUEENS or women of Africa are full figured women so that is not an excuse. So now that I have let go of the inner lack conversation I was having with myself perhaps I can move on with adorning my body with things I love.... again!


I would like to thank Natural Belle for her ongoing love of fashion and reminding me of how wonderful these clothes look.
Also Tru Expressionz gogo remix of adorn is one of my faves! I give thanks for percussion that move my hips and lyrics that arch the curve of my lips!!!

Another DAY 1

Today is the 318th day of 2012. It is also another Day 1.

I give thanks for the air I breathe, the light I see and the many thoughts I think.

Everyday is a Day 1, as we get to start all over every time we awake from the reset and plug in that we call sleep. It is an new opportunity to try again, try something new or not try at all.


This is my Day 1 and I am thankful for it. It is never too late to try nor is it ever the wrong day to try. Today is a great day, today is Day 1.


Love is ... TL